You Should Know By Now

To Her,

As of now I have failed to summon the amount of courage needed to tell you this.
I wish I could wait for the day when that would be
But on the inside of me, there is fire on the mountain.
So I turn to alphabets empowering them to be my release.
I do pray that by tomorrow these words won't matter one bit
Because today you will grow and the shoe will no longer fit.
You should know by now that you deserve better.
Or is it until your crown no longer glistens?
You should know by now that you are of great value.
Or are you waiting for your gold to corrode
In the hands of a pauper too blind to recognise that you are treasure in every measure?
You should know by now that you deserve better.
I am tired of hurting from your pain that multiplies mine.
Why are you subjected to competing for his attention?
Isn't your love for him consuming enough?
Now you see yourself as never enough, paying compensation for his damages.
I want to write pages upon pages
But my heart hurts with every word, it really hurts


And I am frustrated when you blame love
For his failings that you clearly see but never see reason to address.
Maybe that's what society has taught you best friend-
To embrace him and lose yourself while doing it.
Otherwise explain to me why your dreams don't even want to associate with you.
Yes love is sacrifice, but why are you endlessly offering yourself on his table
When all he stands to represent is Cain?
Darling, love is clear and love is plain,
Please open your eyes and see that his is a chain.
Please!
You bet I'm angry and I can't even feign.
Love is tender so when his hands show everything but that
And I'm left soothing you from the lash of his tongue
I ask you why and you say love, I just don't get it.
I really just don't get it.


I have mourned for you...
Mourned for the future we painted as children
Because this definitely isn't it.
Mourned for the venom you've reluctantly had to swallow
Poisoning your innocence and delicacy
You deserve so much better my queen.
Growing up, I've always promised to fight for you,
Especially in moments when you lack the strength to do so for yourself.
Today I upheld my promise to you.
Today I did right by you and I made sure he did too in the least way possible.
I fought for the queen I know you to be, saved you from the slave he made you into.
So when he calls for a breakup and you call me, I'll pretend like I didn’t orchestrate it.
And you'll cry but I know you'll be okay.
You will no longer hurt me because you are free from pain,
I know you will be okay and inevitably I will be okay
Because he'll no longer be there to put out your fire
So you will gradually burn brighter and I hope to recognise you again.


I don't intend to be your knight.
I just want to see your phoenix take flight,
I want to hear your voice again empowered with might
Knowing that the only person you're competing with is yourself.
Now that is enough pay for me,
Knowing that you don't pay attention when they say you deserve less
But go for that best they secluded for the rest,
Now that is enough pay for me.
GOOOO BESTFREENNNN
THAT’S MY BESTFRENNN
GOOOOO QUEEN
You know I wrote this one for you.


I hope you never settle for less in life and I hope you’re surrounded by people that ensure you don’t.

© O.M

My First Time

A lot of people look forward to their first time.
Well so did I.
Until such dreams were snatched from me in my prime.
His hands slowly creeping up my thigh.
Such innocence forcibly ripped away,
Four hands pinned me down.
They said it was the way I let my hips sway.
A white gown; clawed, tainted and thrust in the muddy brown.

My first time, the less painful memory was the puddle I had cried.
Raw, sore, hate seeping through every pore.
I can’t even wear white if I ever become a bride.
More, more, four, gore. Back pressed firmly on the floor.
One at a time, they sequentially stripped me of my dignity.
Vocabulary diminished to these recurring words: Stop, Please, Stop.
Their friction threatening to snap the bands that keep my sanity.
But my pleas seemed to inspire them to swap

.

Memories buried tend to evolve into monsters.
This boogeyman comes out to play each night I close my eyes.
These scars never heal, they’re more like swollen blisters.
Please take this pain away, Anyone? Heaven hear my sincere cries.
The clandestine truth, bound and padlocked.
This monster needs no parole.
My very bedrock remains rocked.
I cry theft, my soul they stole.

My story is told and gradually I watched it unfold.
To my Creator, and in His loving embrace I securely stand.
In Him, I rise from my defeated state as a sheep, to a lion- bold.
It might be difficult for you to understand,
Why it was to him I ran.
When initially I blamed Him for after all He was God.
Well, its because He has the master plan.
And in His love, I remain awed.

Background: I spent a lot of this session studying about rape and I just had to conceive something regarding that. I know how I feel about such an atrocity and I pray for anyone out there who has experienced this heinous crime and I hope you find comfort in God because His love can erase all traces left behind and He can heal all scars.

©   O.M